I’ve often wondered, what it would have been like if my nieces and nephew never came to my house to live with us. It hurts that I even think about it, because I love them so much, dad does too, and I know they love us. Although, I can’t help but wonder if it would have been better or worse for our relationship. I don’t want my dad’s or brothers’ kids gone. I just want a better understanding of how my dad feels about me, of how much he really loves and cares for me. Instead of feeling like I failed him.
I tried so much just to get him to realize that I can do things and that we can get through this together. I’ve tried to clean, but I also know what the problem is: It’s more than not cleaning. It’s me and my dad, the problems we share. The kids, the cleaning of the house, and the cooking, yet I know that if I try I could probably get to the point in where I can clean, watch kids, and help out around the house. I know that I could get better at helping my dad out if only I tried.